Drunk Shooter
It is 2:00 in the morning when I checked the clock. My eyes were so tired it felt like my eye brows were hanging just on by the skin. My eyes ached and it felt so sore. I’ve been spending two nights straight, playing a Clan match for my CS: Counter Strike game clan. The empty cans surround my computer or beers I’ve drank over the two nights. I dare not miss this match, and I don’t want to. It is like part of my life, and I cant stop CSing.
CS is a shooting game where you just walk around killing your enemy. The players would be divided into two teams, a terrorist side and a police side. The objective of the game is to either kill all enemies or if you are the police defuse the bomb planted by the terrorists.
I find this game very addicting and I now feel like this is a part of my life. It feels like my only role in my life is to demolish all enemy and defuse all bombs. Just having the right and privilege to shot and kill the people who go against me is just fascinating. In the real society such thing would not be possible. But to me this world of mine is the reality. I find the world very boring and too mundane, this is why I spend most of my time locked in my room drinking and CSing. This is the only time when I could feel true interaction with others and feel the sensation of joy.
So for two nights I played CS clan match, with other people I have never met, but the ones who I call clan members. We would connect headphones to our computers to chat with mikes instead of typing. It would be much easier and faster to communicate. Using headphones gave us better chance to react faster to what your clan people told you. It is as if we really are in a CIA battle. All we do is just shoot the other teams and defuse bombs. This now truly was my life, and I could only feel like myself when I am CSing.
I would drink while playing CS to increase the happiness and mood of the time. I makes me feel as if I was a special force sent to a battle field. Drinking while CSing gets me to focus more to the game. Give me a better feeling of excitement and joy for what I am doing. It is like a drug soldiers would take that makes them dehumanize their enemies.
Although I enjoy CSing, I know that just sitting on the chair and playing two nights straight would have a negative effect, but I cannot help it, it is the only way I enjoy life and this is the way I chose. CSing is like water to me if I would be a plant. And beer would be like sunlight that would color up my mood.
Losing continuously and getting killed gets me pissed, so I tend to bang my mouse a lot. Drinking instead of forcing my anger all unto my mouse would soothe my anger. It would be very inconvenient if my mouse were to break because then I would not be able to CS. It would feel like I’ve forgot to take my pill.
My clan’s been losing a lot lately. So I tend to work on boosting up my clan’s score more. I haven’t washed for five nights and I my hair feel as if they’re soaked with clay. But I cannot help it. I must not get out of my chair. I have a pile of tissues piled up over to my right, it is all the trash I’ve made to blow my nose and clean my face. I can see a big white pile. I can feel my filthy body every time I move, but I don’t mind for there is no one who would see me like this